NDSAW #7 - Nola's Thoughts on Down Syndrome

To be completely honest, I had no idea that having Nola was even an option for us. Once we learned that she was going to be joining the family it was first, about the shock of knowing a second child was on the way and not at all about the sibling relationship between our soon to be 2 children. I never once thought about how Hazel having Down syndrome was going to affect this new baby. I think the shock of the pregnancy carried on until about half way through when we found out the babies gender. It was then that things started to get real.

She was a girl!!! SISTERRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I don't think there was a moment in my life that I ever felt so relieved (maybe after Hazel's 2 surgeries but it's close). This is of course no surprise to readers who have been here a while. I am obsessed with the fact that they are sisters. Immediately, I did a lot of thinking about how the new baby sister was going to affect Hazel. Hazel was going to have a sister. Hazel was going to have a friend. Hazel was going to have a nurturer. Hazel was going to have a caregiver. Hazel was going to have someone out there who loved her just as much as I do. The best way I can describe it was relief. God provided exactly what this family needed. Exactly what Hazel needed.

What I never stopped to think about until recently is just how Hazel will affect Nola? Specifically, how will Nola's sister having Down syndrome affect her. How is Hazel's Down syndrome shaping the person Nola is becoming? I mean she is going to a preschool that all her classmates are children with special needs. That's maybe not necessarily where I would have sent her if it wasn't for Hazel. Not that it's not a great place for her, but would I have chosen that place? We might not go as many places as she would like because it is too difficult for me to bring both my kids out and watch them run away from me in different directions. We don't do many extra circular activities yet. At the end of the day, I am not really sure how this impacts Nola.

What I can tell you is that Nola is just about the most loving and compassionate little gal I know. She loves something fierce. She protects like it's her job. She is the mommy of everyone, all the time. She is wise well beyond her years, she is always up for having a love fest, which is usually on the more aggressive side. She's the happiest, bounciest, sassiest little person I have ever met.

When it comes to her relationship with Hazel, well - what can I say?

They're sisters. She hits her, takes her toys, hugs her, kisses her, tries to give her the food on her tray that she doesn't want and vice versa, takes the food from Hazel that she does. They play, they read, they jump on beds together. They laugh, they cry and they watch TV (they almost never want to watch the same thing). When Hazel is upset, Nola asks her what's the matter and tries to offer her things until the crying stops. She copies her, she teaches her and she learns from Hazel. They pretty much do all the things that a parent dreams their children will do when they find out a brother or sister is on the way. So don't fret if you are having a child with DS, your kids will fight and torture you just as you imagine they might (and then a little worse even). They'll also love and play with each other just as you dreamed they would (and then maybe a little better even). 

Nola is the one person in this entire world who sees Hazel for who she is. Stereotypes do not exist. Different is not a concept she understands. She sees her in a pure and honest way. She knows Hazel is not the same as all the other kids but she also knows that EVERY SINGLE kid she's ever met is different from the next one, no matter who they are. Nola is in an environment where being different IS 'normal'. She goes to preschool with kids who have all kinds of different needs. Some have DS, some have braces, some don't talk yet, some are in wheelchairs. In Nola's world this is "NORMAL". This is her reality. It's what she lives. It's her culture.

The way I see it, Hazel has opened us up to a world we had no idea existed. But for Nola, she will always know this world. This world is shaping her and moulding her into the compassionate, loving little human that she is. For us, we had to learn to accept, understand and unconditionally love but for Nola, it will be who she is right from the very beginning. Everyday she demonstrates a culture of compassion and love. Everyday she accepts difference. Everyday she make me proud to be her mom and even prouder of the little sister she is to Hazel.

NDSAW #6 - Siblings

I have heard that upon the news of a Down syndrome diagnosis some parents are saddened and grieve the relationship that they always thought the new sibling would have with the older sibling. I have also heard that it can be a very devastating to work through these feelings of loss. There can be a lot of fear about the future wondering how the Down syndrome portion of their little brother or sister will affect them as they grow. Worry about how they will interact? What they will have to sacrifice? How will they explain or understand their new brother or sister's diagnosis? Having a newborn with Down syndrome is a difficult enough circumstance to try to understand but having an extra worry centered around how this may affect the whole family dynamic is another kind of stress entirely.

For October and the beginning of November, I chose to share (on IG and Facebook) relationships between brothers and sisters with DS. I chose to share their parents thoughts on the relationship that is developing and fostering among their children. By doing this, I am hoping to give a real and honest perspective from those who witness the relationship, Down syndrome included, unfold everyday in their homes. I am certain that by sharing these accounts new parents will be comforted and feel relieved about what each of these families have to say. Hop over to my IG page and/or Facebook page to read more about each family.

These families inspire me and I was honoured to share the precious relationships of their most precious children. Have a look...

Here's some of what these families had to say:

@littlewarrior (@macymakesmyday pic) says: "It's seriously been so amazing to watch them. God has truly given them a love for people with special needs."

@lilcocobea says: "If only parents were handed this picture instead of a list with information on "their options." 90% of parents opt out and will never truly know what they are missing."

@tarynaki_sauce says: "Nothing could have prepared me for the love and pride he has for Lennon."

@briihenn says: "14 years ago, I was blessed with having a brother with Down syndrome. The day you were born I knew my life would change completely, but you have made me into the person I am today and I could never thank you enough."

@blessedmommatobabygirls says: "She is our sunshine girl...she spreads joy to our entire family"

Which kinda got me thinking, of course I couldn't go without sharing the relationship between my own daughters.
 

Stay tuned...Last post of this series will be my own thoughts about my own daughters. 

NDSAW #4 - Brothers

Will, Hamilton, Cadman all live together in the same house. They are brothers!!!! This mama no doubt has her hands full, of cuteness!!!! I have been following this lovely family since they adopted their two youngest sons. Then I came to find out they had an older son, Will, with Down syndrome too. Love it!!!!

I happened across this post on IG during DSAM and thought I would share. This is straight from Amber's IG page @akdavis333. Head over and check this sweet family out, you won't want to miss out on these boysssssss!!!!

I love these words so much!!! Worthy indeed Amber. Thanks for sharing!!! 

Happy Friday!!!

Hey Y'all just a quick one today. Same pic that's on our IG feed and Facebook page. I couldn't help it.

Hope this sweetness makes you smile today!!

Trust me they're not always this sweet. As a matter of fact Hazel bit Nola pretty hard this morning on the finger. To be fair, I am not 100% convinced Hazel knew it was going to hurt but there were tears. Lots and lots of tears. Spirits were very low. Nola couldn't believe it happened and Hazel was very upset that she hurt Nola. It was quite sad for both of them actually. After I immediately scolded Hazel for the cruel act, I realized she had no idea that it would hurt. The look on Hazel's face nearly broke my heart. She could barely utter the words "sorry." Needless to say, I can barely think of it without feeling the heart break again and again. Anyhow... #reallifewithsensitivekids

The moments they hug and kiss get me through the times of disaster...

Have a great weekend!!!

xo

Our Transition to Two

I have been meaning to write this post for a while. WARNING! It's a long one. Take breaks. Or grab a coffee. It all has to be said...

I am sure some of you are wondering how it's going with 2 kids around here. To tell you the truth I had to refrain from writing anything for fear that it would come out all wrong. Sleep deprived, usually hungry, and always without a shower doesn't make for the best mood while writing.

Not to mention my uncanny ability to appreciate events only when they are behind me. Sometimes when your head feels like it's going to explode, you haven't showered in days and sleep is something that you remember vaguely, it's nearly impossible to enjoy the present moment (not that that's what happened to me or anything...pfft - I got this 2 kid thing under control guys).

I finally found a time that it is definitely less than ideal to live in the present moment (well not the whole time anyway).

This is OUR story. Allow me to paint a picture for you...

First being 41 weeks pregnant was as great as it sounds. WHAT???? NO, it was terrible. I am not one of those women who tried to enjoy the last moments that Nola and I shared one body. I wanted her out. Anyway...I digress. I will save that convo for the birth story.

So, I bring a newborn home. Hazel is super confused. Who is this little baby? What is she doing here? What is she doing to mommy's boobs? Why doesn't she go in my toy bin at the end of the day like the rest of the babies? Most importantly, when is she leaving?

Sounds like they have a precious bond, right?  Nope, not really.

The one huge bonus for Hazel for the first couple of weeks was that Daddy was home the whole time. Since mommy was always distracted with a new little baby, she attached herself quite unhealthily to her father. So every time he got up to leave the room she would stand at the baby gate and cry. Awesome! Also, whenever Nola cried, Hazel cried. When Nola cried and Hazel cried, mommy cried too. Pure bliss.

Oh and I should probably mention that this is my first time exclusively nursing. We did a bit with Hazel but because of her VSD it was not in the cards to breastfeed. So there's that whole "am-I-feeding-my-baby-enough-or-is-she-going-to-die" thing happening. Hormones are fun too, huh? Bad latches are the best (more on that later). Over abundance of milk supply that was choking my baby, causing blocked ducts and did I mention hormones already?

Note: Now for those of you reading that only have one child. Don't go getting any ideas to start trying for next one immediately after you read this. I know it sounds glamorous but please try to refrain.

Another note: For those who ARE pregnant with number 2 as we speak (if that's what you call this interaction) Please stop crying!!! Read until the end, it gets better I promise.

Now I don't want you all thinking that the transition went seamlessly or anything so on top of all the things I just mentioned. I want you to add crazy eye infections to everyone in the house (except Nola). Hazel's kept coming and going, so we had to take ALL her toys away, wash them, and quarantine them until there were no more signs of an eye infection. Imagine having to clean ALL her books. Every. Single. One. Every. Single. Page. Just the thing we needed, another daily chore. There were literally not enough hours in the day. And we were awake most of them. Yikes!!!

Now just as the eye infections were finally behind us. We got hit with this crazy super COLD/FLU virus that spared no one. Matt got the cold part. I got the FLU part (fever for 6 days straight). Hazel had it all. Poor babe, she was SO SO SO sick. Again, Nola was spared (maybe there is something to this breastfeeding thing).

You could say the first 6 weeks of having 2 kids was a little less than ideal. We were totally trapped in the house, not wanting to spread germs or acquire any new ones. I don't think I was fully able to foresee how a new little person in the house would create so much JOY and so much CHAOS at the same time. Unfortunately for us, we skipped the 'rain' part of "when it rains it pours" and headed straight into 100 mile an hour winds and an epic thunderstorm.

Christmas...

We were all just over the virus and were able to attend Christmas. The holidays were really difficult having a sick Hazel and a new born nursing. But we managed to enjoyed visiting family, eating a lot and watching our girls get completely, ridiculously, and generously spoiled.

January had a theme in our house. It went a little something like this.

"Bi@#hes be crazy!!!"

February. Was all about getting back to old routines and creating new ones that worked. And here we are...

Present day - March (ish - depending on when I actually had time to post this)

Nola is 4 months old. Feeding times have become less frequent and more manageable. She started sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks. But has since decided that she needs mommy a couple times a night (despite our efforts at dream feeding - mommy is pretty tired). Other than the sleep (or lack of sleep), she is an amazing baby. Happy all the time as long as she can see what we are all up to. Typical second child thing happening. Keep the girl involved at all costs. I remind her daily that she's just a baby but she's not convinced. I'm not a fan of her "go-getter" attitude at the moment.

THIS IS THE GOOD PART. If you are skimming or crying (due to fear of having the second child) PLEASE READ THIS PART!!!

Her soft coos have to be the sweetest sound to grace my ears. She has this excited little one breathy squeak that happens mostly when she lays eyes on me (and it's loud) that melts me instantly. The flirty little smile she stares at me with while she's nursing sends me deeper and deeper into the obsession I have for her.

If I could sit all day and just feed her, she would be completely satisfied with that. Never coming off to even breathe. Just sleep, eat, flirt - repeat. The first couple of times we offered her a bottle were NEVER well received, but she is starting to see it Daddy's way. Girlfriend definitely knows what she wants and also she screams pretty loud when she doesn't get it. I kinda love this about her (and kinda not so much - kwim?)

KEEP READING. MORE GOOD STUFF. The BEST actually!!!

The way Nola looks for Hazel when she can hear her in the room playing.

Nola tries to mimic the sounds that Hazel makes when Hazel makes them, like they are telling tales to each other that only they can understand.

She tries to reach for her but Hazel will have nothing to do with it. Hazel is coming around but still not sure what Nola has to offer her.

The way Nola's entire face lights up when Hazel actually decides to give her the time of day is perfection. It makes me so excited for their future together. I get to watch their story unfold. I get to be a part of their life path. What a privilege to watch something so profound start from the tiniest little seed. It all started with a glance...

There are no words for how at peace my heart feels when they are loving on each other.

Also, there are no words for the rage I feel when Hazel is mean to Nola. And so it begins...

So that's it. Parenting 2 children has been interesting? (yes that's a question mark)

Blogging has become a challenge, cooking is the exception not the rule, showering is a privilege, privacy in the bathroom is unheard of, sitting is a gift that occasionally happens. Oh and recruiting help from family and friends is at an all time high. Cause I'm cool like that and can admit that my kiddos are eating me alive and that I absolutely could not do it alone.

Still after all the crazy, I look at my kids at LEAST once every single day and wonder how we got so blessed. They are perfect. They are exactly what we need. They are EXACTLY what each other needs. They teach me about selflessness and perseverance everyday. They make me smile and laugh. They make me proud.

I am constantly having to remind myself to live in the present moment and enjoy the days where my kids are here and little and learning. A thing that is tough to do when the list of tasks is multiplied by 2. I am trying. My kids are teaching me as much as I am teaching them.

At the moment, I am thankful every time Hazel spots me from across the room, runs over and wraps her little arms around my neck. She pulls away just far enough to see my face and smiles and says, "Ooooo." I am filled with gratitude when Nola, makes eye contact with me, smiles so so big and tries to tell me her stories. I am obsessed with how Hazel can make Nola stop crying by standing in front of her and saying "Hi." I adore how Hazel's interest in Nola has been growing. Their relationship consists of subtle looks, genuine kisses, lots of hugs and a great deal of "This Little Piggy." I die when I am walking around the house rocking and 'shush'ing Nola to sleep and Hazel is rocking and 'shush'ing right along side me. My heart melts just a bit every time they are in the crib together just hanging out, chillin' listening to tunes (ahem...the mobile).

These are the moments that I am going to remember when these days are far behind me. These little details are what I am going to long for. They are what will make me willing to trade all my earthly possessions for just one more day with my little girls. Just one more hug, one more smile, one more soft coo, one more squeak, one more curious moment shared between them.

Yeah...so in honour of the fact that time passes way to quickly...I try really hard to love the chaos that is life - NOW.

My family...

I am honoured.